Americans get all the conspiracy theory fun. Fine, Obama is a socialist Nazi Kenyan Muslim stoner who’s controlled by aliens. But that doesn’t mean the rest of the world’s leaders don’t have bizarre theories about them as well. Here are 10 examples from the silliest corners of the Internet.
10 Shinzo Abe Was Behind The Tokyo Subway Gas Attack
Some believe that the 1995 sarin attack on the Tokyo subway by the cult Aum Shinrikyo was, in fact, orchestrated by the militarist wing of the Liberal Democratic Party, with Shinzo Abe as a key figure. The attack was the culmination of three generations of militarist plotting, dating back to the chemical weapons research of Unit 731 overseen by Abe’s grandfather, Nobusuke Kishi. Other members of the conspiracy included far-right firebrand and former Tokyo mayor Shintaro Ishihara, Liberal Democratic Party espionage chief Toshio Yamaguchi, and influential diplomat and politician Shintaro Abe. The conspiracy was also allied with brainwashed ex-Soviet spies and military scientists, the Unification Church, and North Korea.
Aum Shinrikyo was created by Japanese intelligence out of elements of other esoteric religions to serve as a front for the Japanese government to pursue advanced weapons technology on a deniable basis. Abe is said to have been the mentor for Aum Shinrikyo “science minister” Hideo Murai, who was killed by a Korean yakuza assassin before he could reveal the truth behind the attacks. The subway attacks were a cover for an attempted militarist coup.
The goal was to wipe out the pacifists, seize the reins of power, re-militarize Japan, attack China with a combination of chemical weapons and a Japan-Taiwan-Mongolia strike force wearing PLA uniforms, and finally destroy the United States in an apocalyptic war involving nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons, as well as earthquake machines. The end goal was Japanese theocratic world domination. Apparently, this whole plan failed because of media exposes and the National Police Chief’s survival of an assassination attempt. Despite the failure, however, the conspiracy is also linked to the Fukushima catastrophe, said to be the result of earthquake machines, nuclear weapons research, or both. Are you confused yet?
9 Angela Merkel Is Hitler’s Daughter
This loopy conspiracy theory doesn’t let chronological logistics get in the way of a good story. While Merkel being born nine years after Hitler committed suicide in his bunker should have ruled this theory out before it got off the ground, the claim is that Stasi files held by the Russians have revealed Nazi scientist and war criminal Dr. Karl Clauberg used Hitler’s frozen sperm to conceive Merkel through artificial insemination. The theorists claim that Merkel was born July 20, 1954, giving her the same birthday as Adolf Hitler. In reality, Merkel was born on the July 17, but the theory goes that her birthday was adjusted three days to obscure her real birth date.
After she was born, the US, Russia, and the Vatican agreed that the Catholic Church would protect Merkel and set her up with fake parents as a cover story. The theory goes further into the realms of madness and claims that Hitler, and by extension Merkel, were actually descended from the Rothschilds. Merkel’s rise to power was also linked with the election of ex–Nazi Youth member Pope Benedict, as well as the centennial of the publication of Darwin’s Origin of the Species, which was relevant somehow. Debunking websites have traced the origins of the theory to a 2007 post by known hoaxer Sorcha Faal, which has since been adopted by other conspiracy theorists.
8 Xi Jinping Has A Jewish Illuminati Handler
Robert Kuhn is an interesting character; he’s an investment banker, scholar, corporate strategist, and spiritualist linked with Deepak Chopra. He is also, according to some theorists, a representative of the Illuminati who is in charge of handling China’s leaders and managing the country’s rise as part of a Jewish plot to create a New World Order. The basis behind the claims is related to Kuhn’s pop politics book on Chinese governance, How China’s Leaders Think: The Inside Story of China’s Reform and What This Means for the Future. The book talks about the “Chinese dream,” which is also a buzzword used by Xi Jinping. This is seen as evidence that Kuhn’s unusual insight into the mind of the Chinese leadership must be because he is their secret puppet master.
Kuhn’s family history is interpreted through the lens of Fritz Springmeier’s “Bloodlines of the Illuminati” theory, and his connections with the Worldwide Church of God are also seen as evidence of some kind of chicanery. The theory goes that the Jewish conspiracy has been entrenched in China since the first Jewish migrants arrived in Kaifeng during the Song dynasty, and they were also the instigators of the Opium Wars. Other supposed agents of the global Jewish conspiracy include Jewish American journalist Sidney Rittenberg, the first American to join the Chinese Communist Party, and Israel Epstein, who went to China at the age of two and grew to become a member of China’s top advisory body. It’s almost like they Googled every Jewish person to ever have something to do with China and linked them together.
7 Stephen Harper Is A CIA Stooge
Former Canadian diplomat Peter Dale Scott believes that Stephen Harper was installed as Prime Minister of Canada by the International Republican Institute (IRI), an offshoot of the CIA. The evidence he presents is a reference in a cable from the IRI talking about democratization in Venezuela, which mentions in passing: “In addition to the campaign schools, IRI will be bringing in consultants who specialize in party renovation to discuss case studies of political parties in Germany, Spain, and Canada which successfully carried out the process.”
The “party renovation” is apparently a code for turning the Progressive Conservative Party into the Conservative Party of Canada, a GOP-style entity that takes its marching orders from smoky rooms in Langley. The CIA is manipulating Stephen Harper to attack Canada’s knowledge base, promote militarism, and avoid addressing climate change. It may also have something to do with an evil agreement signed by Harper and US President Barack Obama to cancel Canada completely. The two supposedly signed the secret agreement back in February 2011 to allow for the removal of the US-Canada border in order to pave the way for a fascist North American Union between the US, Canada, and Mexico. This would allow rapacious American corporations to invade Canada and seize control of its vast natural resources.
6 Queen Elizabeth II Is A Cannibal
Cultural philosopher Hubert Humdinger allegedly explained Queen Elizabeth II’s famous energetic personality in a 1973 article: “She must eat human flesh to be so vivacious. There is an immense amount of spiritual energy in human muscle.” His claims were vindicated, according to crazy people on the Internet, when a serviceman sent to investigate a possible electrical wiring problem at a Windsor Castle kitchen area discovered strips of flayed meat in the Queen’s private freezer. He alerted three constables who were supposed to be keeping an eye on him but were instead lounging in the Queen’s living room and scratching each others’ backs. They determined the meat to be human remains. (The forearm was a giveaway.) The constables were shocked but shrugged it off, saying “The Queen has special privileges . . . You can’t prosecute the Queen for having a strange habit. I’m sure she got these parts legally somewhere overseas. At any rate, we aren’t going to look into it.”
Some conspiracy theorists have dismissed the claims as clearly nonsense; others see it as yet more evidence of what they’ve been saying all along. The theory has been linked with the strange story of 10 Mohawk children who supposedly went missing after a picnic with the Queen and her husband, Prince Philip, in 1964. While the children are usually assumed have been killed in a Satanic sacrifice, they could have just as easily have been devoured by the British royals. There are also some who believe the Queen is actually a giant reptilian who can swallow children whole. Of course, if that were true, then she would hardly be a cannibal, unless she also ate other reptilians.
5 Tony Abbott Birther Conspiracy
Australia’s embarrassing Prime Minister Tony Abbott was born in London, England. After emigrating Down Under as a child, he eventually became an Australian citizen in 1981, the same year he entered Oxford University as a Rhodes scholar. He would be elected to Parliament for the first time in the 1994 Warringah by-election. According to Queensland blogger Tony Magrathea, there is no evidence that Abbott ever relinquished his British citizenship. Article 44(1) of the Australian constitution states that anyone “under any acknowledgement of allegiance, obedience, or adherence to a foreign power, or is a subject or a citizen or entitled to the rights or privileges of a subject or citizen of a foreign power” is unable to sit in either of the Houses of Parliament. According to Magrathea, this means Abbott’s entire political career is illegitimate.
Both Abbott himself and the British Home Office have refused to release documents confirming that he relinquished his citizenship, the former out of privacy and probably sheer obstinacy, the latter because it’s illegal for them to do so. Also, the whole thing is widely considered ridiculous. Six of Australia’s former Prime Ministers were born in England. One was born in Chile. Former Prime Minister Bob Hawke was an honorary citizen of Israel. Even if it turned out to be true and Abbott got the boot, he could simply renounce his British citizenship and stand again in a by-election.
Guardian reporter Cam Smith had some fun with the conspiracy theorists, posting obviously Photoshopped “evidence” to Twitter and watching the incredulous re-tweet them with glee. In October 2004, a woman was thrown out of Parliament for yelling threats at Abbott: “And we’re coming after you!” She told the press that the threats were related to her Freedom of Information requests about Abbott’s citizenship being rebuffed.
4 Jacob Zuma Plans To Kill All South African Whites
In 2012, the non-profit watchdog group Genocide Watch declared that South Africa’s ruling African National Congress party (Jacob Zuma’s party) was willfully ignoring the rampant murder of white farmers in the country and inciting hate speech to bring about their dehumanization. Conspiracy theorists jumped on the report, claiming it as evidence for an imminent genocide against the white population in preparation for a communist takeover of the country. The notoriously unreliable RT.com claimed in 2013 that the death of Nelson Mandela had prompted the right-wing Suidlanders movement to prepare for a mass evacuation of South Africa’s three-million-strong Afrikaner population.
Zuma would later publicly declare that whites and other minorities in South Africa had “nothing to fear,” but he also went on to say that all of South Africa’s problems ultimately come from the arrival of the first Dutch administrator, Jan van Riebeeck, in Cape Town in 1651. To be fair, Zuma’s case wasn’t helped by his insistence on singing several refrains of the lyric “shoot the Boer” during the performance of the apartheid-era struggle song “Sizobadubula ngembayimbayi” (“Shoot with a machine gun”) during the 2012 ANC centenary celebrations. Julius Malema of the Economic Freedom Fighters opposition party, who has also been criticized for singing “Kill the Boer” in the past, monopolized on the controversy and changed his tune in April 2015, by leading a crowd of supporters in singing a new version of the song: “Kiss the Boer.”
3 Vladimir Putin Has Alien Advisers
Simon Parkes, a Labour party councilor from Whitby, North Yorkshire, has claimed that Vladimir Putin was advised during the Ukraine crisis by a group of aliens known as the Nordics. Prior to this agreement with the Scandinavian-looking extraterrestrials, he was being advised by a reptilian species of aliens called Dracos but changed sides because the Nordics offered a better deal, namely access to technology that would allow Russia to be on par with the United States. The Russians are building space warfare capabilities based on reverse-engineered Nordic tech. The Nordics want to shore Russia up in order to oppose the Dracos, who control the United States, the bankers of London, and the international Zionist conspiracy, using death powers and ancient Babylonian money magic.
The Nordics oppose the Dracos’ plan of wiping out humanity in a horrible fashion in order to feed off of the negative energy of our suffering and were particularly offended when the Dracos used Nelson Mandela’s funeral as a cover for the coronation of their evil leader, Marduk, as King of Africa. Parkes is somewhat of an alien fanatic who claims he is part-alien, that he lost his virginity to an alien at the age of five, and that his wife is annoyed by his continued affair with an extraterrestrial. To be fair, suspicions about the Russians having dealings with aliens aren’t helped by Dmitry Medvedev making jokes about Putin having a secret file on alien activity on Earth. The fact he also reserved judgment on the existence of Santa Claus should have shown he was just joking.
2 Recep Tayyip Erdogan Is The Antichrist
In March 2015, journalist Mustafa Akyol wrote a column about how Turkey’s President, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, was becoming the center of a cult of personality within the ruling Justice and Development Party (AKP), to the consternation of Islamists. He included a (mildly heretical) description of Erdogan as “an idol for our youth” and quotes from AKP deputies, who claim that touching the president was “a form of worship” and that he “carries all the attributes of Allah in himself.”
While the point of the piece was an exploration of the tensions between the rising Erdoganist political cult and Turkey’s mainstream Islamists, Christian fundamentalist conspiracy theorists read it a different way, claiming that Muslims were now proclaiming that Erdogan was actually God. They quickly linked this to the biblical verse, 2 Thessalonians 2: “The man of lawlessness is revealed, the son of destruction, who opposes and exalts himself against every so-called god or object of worship, so that he takes his seat in the temple of God, proclaiming himself to be God.” Following this supposed declaration, the real God is said to have caused a power outage putting 85 percent of Turkey in the dark.
The obvious problem is that in Islam, a man can never be deified. The theorists get around this impediment by claiming that Erdogan is not actually a Sunni Muslim but rather a Sufi, believing in fana, the idea of eliminating the self to become God. Their evidence is that Erdogan once said something nice about the poetry of the Sufi writer Rumi, who believed in fana. Other supposed evidence of Erdogan being the Antichrist includes how he helped to rebuild the Great Synagogue in the northwestern Turkish city of Edirne, refrained from saying nasty things during the Israeli elections, and addressed his supporters in Izmir via hologram.
1 Pope Francis Is Petrus Romanus
The pope has been identified as “Petrus Romanus,” or Peter the Roman, the final pope, supposedly prophesied by St. Malachy in the 12th century:
Not from Spain but from ancient France,
Will be elected for the trembling ship [the Bark of St. Peter],
He will make a promise to the enemy,
Who will cause great plague during his reign.
Why Pope Francis? Because he is named after Francis of Assisi. Assisi has a fort called Rocca Maggiore, which means “big rock.” Peter also means “rock.” Furthermore, Francis of Assisi’s birth name was Giovanni Francesco di Pietro Bernardone. Hence, Pope Francis is Petrus Romanus. The prophecy also states that the final Pope will come from ancient France. This is explained by Pope Francis’s ancestors coming from Turin, which is linked to the Lombards and Charlemagne. Presumably, it was too much for medieval prophets to just say, “The final pope will come from Argentina, which hasn’t been discovered yet.”
Pope Francis has been linked with more prosaic conspiracy theories. In 2005, a journalist filed a lawsuit against Pope Francis, back when he was known as Jorge Mario Bergoglio, Archbishop of Buenos Aires. The suit accused Bergoglio of conspiring with the military junta in 1976 to kidnap two renegade Jesuit priests. There was no actual evidence presented, and the claims of Bergoglio’s involvement were denied by one of the kidnapped priests.
In 2014, the International Common Law Court of Justice (ICLCJ) in Brussels, found Pope Francis guilty of rape, torture, murder, and trafficking of children, along with Jesuit Superior Adolfo Pachon and Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby. It’s said that they were members of the Ninth Circle Satanic cult. The problem is that the ICLCJ is actually just a blog belonging to a crazy Canadian man, who has issued arrest warrants for the last two consecutive popes and also managed to scoop Stephen Harper in the race to dissolve Canada.
Finally in 2015, a supposed renegade priest in the Archdiocese of Kingston, Ontario, announced he was in possession of evidence that Pope Francis is actually a puppet of the Illuminati, which has taken over the Catholic Church and performs human sacrifices in Vatican City. Pope Benedict was identified as an Illuminati stooge, too, and as soon as he flew the coop, people were expecting the next pope to be Petrus Romanus. It may be a good bet that the next pope gets pegged as the final, apocalyptic pope, as well.
David Tormsen believes Medvedev basically admitted that Santa Claus has been a deniable asset for Russian intelligence for years. He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake . . .